Do you ever have one of those days that completely threaten your sense of humor?
If you’re eating you probably want to skip this, you have been warned.
Today started fairly normally. The family got washed and dressed and had some breakfast. So far so good.
I cleaned the bathroom with Brodie’s help, because Tuesday is bathroom cleaning day – that noise you hear is Vikki sniggering at my house cleaning schedule – and Brodie mentioned he had a sore tummy. I thought it was probably one of those backed up digestive system sore tummies if you know what I mean and he seemed otherwise fine.
Nature called presently and Brodie said his tummy felt better.
A while later we had lunch. Brodie said he wasn’t so hungry and could he lie down and watch Thomas. Mmmmm I thought, not eating? That’s definitely out of the ordinary behaviour.
About 1 o’clock Brodie said he needed to use the toilet again. But just as we got to the bathroom the pink puke rained down. Sorry – I did warn you.
It splashed this way and that as I tried to get him to aim for the toilet. Didn’t happen, but when it was all over and Brodie’s tummy stopped making terrible noises – does that always happen? – I heard Grier approaching, so I slammed the door shut – sorry Grier. Baby playing in sick – nobody wants that ok?
Ok so flash forward half an hour. We are all changed and clean and calm. Bathroom has been scrubbed and steamed (again). No one is being sick. Grier has kind of forgiven me and gone for a nap.
The rest of the afternoon passes quietly. Brodie is pale and hasn’t much of an appetite but plays and chats like normal. But then we have another toilet emergency, I scrub my toilet again. Moving on.
Bath time! Grier is in first – Brodie likes to take his sweet time getting in and I get ten minutes to wash Danger Baby’s hair before Bath Wars begins.
Brodie gets in the bath. About thirty seconds later I notice a bit of floating poo. Then another, then an actual armada of little poos. Dotted between the many, many bath toys and of course two children. At this point I probably should have called it a day. Doused the children in bleach, put them to bed and had a stiff drink.
But Brodie looked at me beseechingly and Grier just grinned, the little bath pooper she is. So everybody out, children first then Thomas, Percy, various cups and a tea-pot. Toys in the sink, douse generously with bleach. Clean the bath – AGAIN! While Brodie avidly watches the poo float down the plug whole and Grier eats baby wipes – or some similar activity. Soon though, it’s time to fill the bath again so the three us peer over the edge watching the lovely clean water siwsh and swoosh. And then I feel something swishing and swooshing around my knees. My little pooper is peeing on me, on the towels, on the lovingly twice steam cleaned floor.
And now I sit recounting these stories so that when my children are old enough to search the internet they will read this and probably never speak to me again. And also I’m still wearing the pee trousers. Because I already cleaned the bathroom three times and changed my clothes twice today.
I think Brodie will be fine tomorrow and I’m not sure if Grier actually has the bug or is just being used by a pawn as Karma pays me back for my obnoxious teenage years.
Thank goodness Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry will be on my screen in 5,4,3,2,1,mmmmmmmmm cakes.
Guess what I’m doing?